i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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