Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
