shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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