I feel great
I just peed on a car
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
