I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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