New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
