I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
