Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
