loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
