you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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