i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
