and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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