she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
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Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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