operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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