your parents love me but you hate me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
