i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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