I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
