There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
