I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i've created a new STD.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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