How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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