If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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