I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
