i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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