i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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