I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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