So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
