i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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