Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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