Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
