are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
