Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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