wat bout pragnant strippers??
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
