I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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