I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What a dumb baby whore.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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