I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
