Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
