I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize