Sponge bath it is.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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