I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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