Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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