im gay
i know
yea but for you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
