i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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