I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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