Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
