yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
