she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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