remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
