he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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