Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
