Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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