Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He did a backflip because drugs
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