Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
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Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.