I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."