I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.