I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She's the barista slut.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...