I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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