It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
