either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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