before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
