Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
