I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
