I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
