My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
