hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need a beard to bite.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
