Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
