My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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