this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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