Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He had one of those small greek statue penises
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
