So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
