Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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