imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
