Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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