his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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