ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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