She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
