On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and she was petting her beer can
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
