Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
