I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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