I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
