just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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