Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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