Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
