I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize