You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
