The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
