My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
