my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
