Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Is it penis luge time yet?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
