sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
